Societal expectations have a way of adding extra fear, guilt, and shame to taboo subjects. For a mother who is already experiencing mom-guilt, even before having given birth, the self-doubt can be suffocating.
Talking about adoption in a realistic, empathetic manner can offer insight that wouldn’t have been previously thought of in a society that seemingly alienates birth mothers to put their children up for adoption.
To end this taboo, I suggest a thought experiment. Abortion and adoption are seen as ludicrous, but fathers who abandon their children and aren’t a part of their lives come by the dozen. If gender roles were reversed, do you think adoption and birth control options would still be so hard to come by?
Birth mothers contemplating adoption need positivity, support, community. Hearing some reassuring words about positive adoption experiences for birth mothers can help to alleviate an anxiety-ridden mind.
Let these positive quotes serve as a way to offer advice, bring clarity, and lend a supportive hand in this challenging decision-making time. No matter what you decode, adoption can be a beautiful experience.
This quote recognizes the emotional grief experienced by birth mothers that may never go away. The pain involved stems from love, the most potent force on Earth. Giving another family and your baby a chance at receiving true love is an ego-less act.
Overcoming the emotions involved in making a difficult decision is harder than knowing in your heart what is right. If you don’t have the necessary means to give your child the best life – whether emotionally, financially, attentively, or otherwise – there are options. Putting the child first is responsible and critical for their development.
The universe has no fixed agenda. Once you make any decision, it works around that decision. There is no right or wrong, only a series of possibilities that shift with each thought, feeling, and action that you experience.
If this sounds too mystical, refer again to the body. Every significant vital sign- body temperature, heart rate, oxygen consumption, hormone level, brain activity, and so on- alters the moment you decide to do anything… decisions are signals telling your body, mind, and environment to move in a certain direction.” – Deepak Chopra, The Book of Secrets: Unlocking the Hidden Dimensions of Your Life.
When making decisions, the universe remains neutral. Your actions create a butterfly effect, so being cognizant of when to make the right one is helpful in taking on that responsibility. But, when it comes to less immediate consequences, the world will still operate, molding to evolve around your decisions – and everyone else.
Families don’t look like the nuclear family anymore. Normalizing adopted families would even help to end the stigma surrounding adoption. If it wasn’t so demonized by societal standards, more people might adopt fewer children would be without a family.
Knowing your child will end up in a home with loving parents is comforting. Even if you don’t believe in destiny, try for a minute. Think about how everyone ends up exactly where they need in order to fulfill their purpose. That includes you as a birth mother, future parents, and adopted kids.
This sacrifice is grand and brave. In alchemy, there is a law that in order to gain something, something of equal or greater value must be lost. This concept applies here. Your child and their potential future parents will exchange an equal amount of love for the amount of grief experienced by the birth mother.
Love makes the world go round. Softening your heart to do the hardest thing you may ever do is selflessness.
Adoption is an emotional experience for everyone involved. Going about it correctly, with the best of intentions, sets everyone involved up for success.
Hearing the point of view from real stories of an adopted child can be eye-opening for birth mothers. If there is an understanding and communication that the birth mother’s intentions were right, the adopted child can have a more balanced emotional response to the situation. You are not doomed to be despised by your child.
The selflessness involved in adoption is enormous. Putting aside your feelings for your child’s wellbeing is its own love language.
The reality is, considering adoption has the chance to alter multiple lives. If it’s stigma, taboo, or the guilt that is the only thing keeping you from doing what you otherwise know is right, there are resources made to support you.
There are also support groups for birth mothers where you can make friends with people in similar situations.
The adoption screening process is thorough so that you can confidently know the care your child would receive is great. The love your child would get, no matter the source, is the most important thing of all.
If you’re pregnant and considering adoption, educate yourself on the process. Check out this resource on FAQs by birth mothers and take that leap of faith.